Patterns and Cycles

Cycles of Living and Dying. Patterns of Darkness and Light. Cycles of practice and non practice. Patterns of consistancy and perseverance. Cycles of resistance and embrace. Patterns of flexibility and rigidity. Cycles of awareness and ignorance.

We are living as we are dying. We are darkness and light. We are what does and we are what does nothing. We are the courageous warrior and the coward. We are open flowing beings and shut tight nut cases. We create and destroy. We are being created and destroyed. We know and we know nothing. We are awake and we are dreaming. All at once.

Conduit to manifest the unmanifest.

In regards to patterns, and being aware of them:

What patterns do you create in you day?

What do the patters you habitually, routinely, subconsciously and impulsively commit yourself to every day?

Habits? Personal Care? Thought Process? Focused? Unfocused? Goal
Oriented? What goals? Too much? To Little?

In our patterns we speak who we think we are. In observing it wehave a fit of self honesty. In accepting it, we open the door to becoming much more.

Old Friend, Three warts

I was at a friends house, watching all the preparation for her wedding. It was my first best friend's wedding, from kindergarten. I wasn't so much an active participant but more of a background observer of the entire spectacle. The sky was orange, and every thing had a brown orange glow to it. I don't remember going to the wedding. We were in a room getting ready for bed. My friend, the bride, was in her wedding dress, laying down by herself in one of the beds, and two others boys, brothers or cousins, family, nonetheless, were rustling in the sheets. I began to close my eyes in the dream, and heard my friend whimper in fear. The window next to me was making a rustling noise, like as if a bug was moving through it. I opened my eyes and went over to the window, which was to the left of my bed, and a dog I had once had, Chelsea, was there, playing with the blinds. I looked over to my friend to tell her it was ok, and her foot sticking out of the bed caught my eye. It had three warts that looked like they could pop like pimples, in the form of a triangle. I couldn't stop staring at them. They were trying to tell me something about her, about having such balls on your feet. They completely absorbed me. Then the door was opened, and the ruckus of the family arranging everything came into perspective. But her warts did not leave my mind.

Non Lucid Lesbian Party

It's a huge party, and it's all women. It's a huge place, a mansion, or large building. There are beds and chairs randomly placed everywhere. It's a vibrant party, with women mingling and dancing anywhere. The women coming up to me are very promiscuous with one thing in mind. There is a blurry memory of the women and our mingling. Open, random atomosphere. Blue lights, white walls, strobe lights. Even though I am not lucid, I act 'awake' in the dream. In terms of the way it feels for emotions to arise, and release them easily as they go. One girl is forceful to get what she wants, drunk. I watch her in amusement, and she senses this, and looses interest and walks off. Blur.

First Lucid Dream

Just finished watching Inception earlier. My mind is embracing the wave of inspiration that with viewing it has arised. I breathe and try to stay conscious, but feel the sinking, and black out. When I awake, I know I am in a dream. I know this because, it's just consciousness. I have no body here. Unrestricted. It's very Alive here. "A dream within a Dream," arises and repeats. Each time, I feel more and more lucid within the dream. There is no physical barrier in perception here, so I feel incredibly close to the source and feel to be sinking into it's depth every single time 'A dream within a dream' arises. No thoughts or emotions just this consciousness, my awareness of it, 'A dream within a dream' arising, and a feeling of sinking into source. I feel bigger and bigger, broader, expansive. I come to a point where I know there is no return and as a feeling of intense falling into it begins I hear Maya cry out. Immediately with hearing it, it feels like I am being thrusted out at the speed of light and then pushed to awake.

I awake resonating the intense energy felt when such close proximity with the source. I am left wondering what the point of no return is, if my sense of self consciousness would of completely dissolved. Maya's cry came from within the dream, but when I awoke, she was asleep. It felt like something used her voice to bring me back. It did not feel like any part of me. Interesting.

Lucid Healing

Second Lucid Dream:

Before drifting into sleep I gave my body a massage, releasing the day to rest and embrace another. I noticed the shoulder which got injured during the accident seemed to have the neck muscles swollen and thanked my body and these muscles for their protection and strength, and released the distress. It was okay to let go now. I felt a huge release. I laid in bed and began to breathe deeply, consciously, and tried to stay conscious through out, as I became more relaxed. I felt more relaxed, and felt myself sinking into a trance. I still can not stay conscious through out the whole process. At the deepest point of relaxation I black out.

I awake to feel my body vibrating energetically in a intense, but comfortable manner. It's an energy source pushing through my body, it's liberating. I am not my body I am energy. Here I realize I am dreaming I am in bed, just as when I fell asleep. This thought floats by, and then I am captivated by the experience of my body within a dream. I clearly see how am just energy. To be Awake in the awakened state, also brings an intense lucidity to the experience of self in a dream. 'To be awake in two dreamstates' arises. As I feel the body, I feel a very active healing going on. I can think 'heal shoulder' and a very active healing process is felt in the shoulder. Intense electricity. I see in clarity the thoughts binding the knot, and allow them to arise. When I do this, I feel a huge release, and the shoulder being filled with an energy that eminates strength. I turn my awareness to the rest of my body. It's being worked on, on many levels. I make sure to do my part by surrendering to the process, showing my gratitude, and allow the work to be done to do what needs to be undone. Liberating. This process is something I've begun in the waking state, but in the dream, with lucid awareness and working directly on the astral body, I see but thoughts, emotions, and energies. I don't have through work through a physical body perception. I run my awareness through my body like a scanner, and it picks up the thoughts, and emotions, and knots reserved there immediately. I work on each spot that has reservoirs, by putting my awareness on it and releasing control, and I watch them dissipate and sense greater liberation and higher circulation of energy as I continue to do so. I turn over my awareness to Josh, who has been drawing closer and closer to me as I went through the liberating process. His hip is attached to mine, and I feel him drawing energy from me. The word 'leech' arises. I put my awareness on where our hips are connected and I see that I do no service and allowing him to draw energy from me. I pull out a dagger and I stab the connection. I feel nothing but Josh flinches. I continue to stab, and slice the energetic bind, and Josh continues to jerk and whimper. I say to him, 'You must find your source within. I am not Source.' I feel release. He takes a deep breathe, rolls over, and I feel the separation. "You can only go within," keeps arising. I feel space, and liberty. I breathe. My shoulder is very actively healing now, with double or triple the intensity as before. I am doing my best to allow it to release, but the energy running through there is getting so intense I feel hesitation arise and I continue to drop resistance as best as I can. It's the intensity of this energy that wakes me up.